Progressives need to realize they are front and center in this kind of backlash. I have been turning over my hostility to gay lifestyles for many years now, since I have stated that, in the past, I was intellectually with the left. What changed is that I've had far too much exposure to lesbian duplicity on the one hand, both of the secular Jewish and Gnostic Christian genotypes, represented by woman like Fern Markowitz, and Josie Byzek, and my personal sense that homosexual males are more unstable, and I take this view despite the removal of homosexuality from the DSM as a disorder. Am I indicating that same sex orientation cannot be as pedestrian as an HIV positive Briton like Andrew Sullivan, with his gnostic Catholic my sodomy is blessed sentiments would like it to be? No, but Andy himself is a contradiction in terms.
That charge might as equally by aimed at me, an atheist who thinks that American Christianity is about as equi-distant from its Bedouin roots as pagan river deities are to the Hoover Dam. It is complicated, and I cannot disentangle it all in one post, but I am convinced things will get uglier before we develop a new social paradigm my dried bleach bones would not recognize. Ironically, however, it was my nearly lethal email exchanges with Linda that destroyed my tolerance, because I let her twist me inside out to such a degree that imagining I could ever be anyone like Fern virtually annihilated any self-esteem I had left, in the time frame that these events occurred.
I am not quite stupid enough to let myself off easily with moral prognostications of the sort that Yahoo details, but I also will not condemn revulsion. It is a legitimate response, and I will build up my argument over time.
Josie did not, and does not now, occupy the same space in terms of what was once my regard and respect, admiration, for a woman like my former supervisor. The wounds that each inflicted on me carry nearly the same weight. I cannot write about my relation to Linda, not yet, because it triggers me like Amy Irving in De Palma's early and interesting, if overwrought, supernatural thriller, but as of the winter 2013, I can put my money where my mouth is in terms of Ms. Byzek. She is a managing editor and I am a freelancer who needs a contract, if not the (relative?) security her publication offers, but I am a powerful writer, and just how powerful, she is one day going to find out, with my metaphorical fist aimed right between the eyes. It will not undo what she did, but people like me know how to put full force and credit into the desire for retribution.
No comments:
Post a Comment