Foul Mood

For the record, I did not want to see the Foley beheading video Gillmor references in our flagship periodical. I have seen enough since the Iranian revolution in 79 that nothing the Arabs or their related sects do to us, or each other, shocks me. The only difference between then and now is the superficial glitterati factor, as true for ISIS as it is for Ferguson, but I also did not need Gillmor to articulate what I've long worried about, where the line is-- not solely due to the fact that my conscience vies with the temptation toward criminality due to desperation out of a lifelong oppression under the heel of every ethic identity, my own, others, and the disabled themselves-- we're cruel as well, as the diction in some of my posts evinces. If I thought I had the savvy to handle it, I'd use ISIS for my own objectives, much as Marthe Keller uses Bruce Dern's mortally scarred veteran, and this is a fairly chilling admission from a fifty two year old naive twit getting squeezed out on both ends, from the system and the people not quite subject to it in the same way (yet), my cries for latitude, for room to breathe, increasingly limited, other than to give my notice and try to make a run for it on some fairly long odds. What do I want?

I want the company Presbyterian Homes out of my fucking life, that is what I want, and for equally myopic black women to stop using my back as a career opportunity while I'm killing myself on my graduate education writing penny articles. Charles Horton, the vice chair on the mayor's commission on disability, was little more than useless, giving me the number for Rita Foley, a black accessibility coordinator for this collusionary enterprise. Her pay grade is so dear she doesn't return telephone calls, and assumes we all embrace liberation theology, since her voice mail, for a city agency, ends on "have a blessed day." Now we know: Philadelphia isn't the American city of independence, merely the functional arm of minority Adventists.

I'm truly not a liberal anymore. I'll grant progressives this: Darren Wilson used excessive force to subdue Michael Brown, but after the life I've led under Eastern Pennsylvania's modus operandi, I'll donate to Wilson's defense fund. Tolerance never meant we had the right to eat each other alive because we cannot learn to divine and respect difference, and difference sometimes means apart from.